Saturday, September 11, 2010

I Need Help From My Brilliant Blogging Friends


I entered a contest on Adventures in Children's Publishing:

The contest is to 1) write a synopsis, that will become part of the query and 2) write a one sentence pitch. These are reiewed by debut authors who provide feedback, and other followers who also provide feedback.
Ultimately the two pieces will be put together into what becomes your query. There are prizes, etc.. But what I'm really interested in is getting a really good solid query and log-line. 

It's a great contest, the only problem is that once you get the feedback, you can make changes and additions, but rarely will people come back and critique those. Understandable, most people don't have time to visit the same posts over and over.

So now I need feedback on my changes. My query synopsis was a complete disaster at first. I wasn't clear on what they were looking for, so I submitted something that seemed more like a synopsis, but anyway, you can see what I did here.  EM Kokie is the expert. I added my normal query which is what I really need help with.

My log-line was a little better, but I used the x meets y format.  I was very deliberate in the choices I made, Watership Down meets Zombieland.  I chose Watership Down, because my story is about the journey of a rabbit who faces dangers and challenges as he grows into an inspiring leader. Unlike Watership Down, my story is humorous. So I chose Zombieland because that's a funny movie, with a lot of physical comedy which equals my book.

The problems with these choices are, Watership Down may not be considered a children's book??? I find this hard to believe because it was one of my favorite books as a child, but then I enjoy it just as much today so maybe I'm wrong. But really in spite of  the difference in humor (and Richard Adams writing skills) I really think Watership Down is a solid choice.

As for Zombieland, of course this is a movie, not a book, and it's definately for adults, but again it has the physical comedy, inspired by zombies.

Another book I thought of was Bunnicula, because many people have made that comparison. So I might go with Watershipdown meets Bunnicula.

This is where all my wonderful bloggin friends come in. Here's a link to my log-line.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.



  1. I commented on your logline! :) I loved it. Ummm, I think that the cat in that picture up there somehow got teleported to my house and is currently lying on my feet.... My version is named Maeve... What's your version's name?

  2. That's Mitchell aka: Mitchell Lafayette when his behavior warrants a full-on double-named assault, which is pretty often. I love the name Maeve.

    I saw your comment on Adventures in Children's Publishing. Thanks for the feedback. I really liked yours too.

  3. I agree with your choice to use Bunnicula over Zombieland for a comparison. Zombieland is definitely not for kids even though it's humourous.