I Need Help From My Brilliant Blogging Friends

Help!

I entered a contest on Adventures in Children's Publishing:  http://childrenspublishing.blogspot.com/.

The contest is to 1) write a synopsis, that will become part of the query and 2) write a one sentence pitch. These are reiewed by debut authors who provide feedback, and other followers who also provide feedback.
Ultimately the two pieces will be put together into what becomes your query. There are prizes, etc.. But what I'm really interested in is getting a really good solid query and log-line. 

It's a great contest, the only problem is that once you get the feedback, you can make changes and additions, but rarely will people come back and critique those. Understandable, most people don't have time to visit the same posts over and over.

So now I need feedback on my changes. My query synopsis was a complete disaster at first. I wasn't clear on what they were looking for, so I submitted something that seemed more like a synopsis, but anyway, you can see what I did here.  EM Kokie is the expert. I added my normal query which is what I really need help with. http://childrenspublishing.blogspot.com/2010/08/pitch-entry-5-melissa-gill.html

My log-line was a little better, but I used the x meets y format.  I was very deliberate in the choices I made, Watership Down meets Zombieland.  I chose Watership Down, because my story is about the journey of a rabbit who faces dangers and challenges as he grows into an inspiring leader. Unlike Watership Down, my story is humorous. So I chose Zombieland because that's a funny movie, with a lot of physical comedy which equals my book.

The problems with these choices are, Watership Down may not be considered a children's book??? I find this hard to believe because it was one of my favorite books as a child, but then I enjoy it just as much today so maybe I'm wrong. But really in spite of  the difference in humor (and Richard Adams writing skills) I really think Watership Down is a solid choice.

As for Zombieland, of course this is a movie, not a book, and it's definately for adults, but again it has the physical comedy, inspired by zombies.

Another book I thought of was Bunnicula, because many people have made that comparison. So I might go with Watershipdown meets Bunnicula.

This is where all my wonderful bloggin friends come in. Here's a link to my log-line. http://childrenspublishing.blogspot.com/2010/09/pitch-entry-5-melissa-gill.html

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Melissa